From Survive To Thrive

Following my appearance on "416 And The City" with Lidia earlier this week I have found myself reflecting a little more often on my life as a whole. It is sometimes hard to imagine where we will be at 41 if you are speaking to a 23 Year Old. Looking back in hindsight really puts things into perspective though.

For those who didn't catch the show, around the age of 23 in 2002, it became very clear I was suffering from depression. The warning signs were there for so many years prior to that moment and period, but I really didn't acknowledge my feelings at all. I was too busy surviving, and chasing money, to feel, or even slow down, until one day I was forced to. I had just bought my first home and the sky could not be more blue! I had worked, scraped and fought for that moment and when it arrived, I took it all in and really felt that the sky was the limit financially! Looking back, it was a little like when we start a new relationship. Those first few months of being in love with our new partner are a paradise, we cannot do enough for them and vice versa. The world seems perfect, and then all of a sudden we begin to notice their flaws or they notice ours and doubt usually follows. We begin to believe or see that all is not perfect and warning signs emerge. Maybe we end the relationship and move onto a new one and begin the process all over again because digging our heels in, creating intimacy and real love appears to be harder and may actually take some real work and soul searching. I can tell you first hand that this was my way of being in most of my relationships over the years prior to 2002 because the grass was greener with someone else. This as some of you know is not actually true, the grass becomes greener when we allow others to get close enough to us that it can hurt if they were to leave us. The grass becomes greener in our lives when we welcome intimacy and vulnerability as our new way of being. Said another way, our world changes for the better when we change, it is rarely the other person who is to blame, although we tend to choose to blame them because it's easier to see flaws in others rather than ourselves. So we move onto that shiny new relationship and begin that whole "beautiful" cycle all over again!

Of course the above is a metaphor for my journey into depression because I think it is one that others can relate to or maybe it's just me..... but I doubt it. You see, when I bought my first home that was a catalyst for greater things, at least from a financial perspective. My old way of being, was no longer going to work in this new world of mine. I see that now, and it was such a great gift, although the ensuing years felt like absolute hell! Financial freedom or the first step toward it caused my crash, even though at the time I felt it was a great achievement, the real work was about to begin. If I really wanted to have the life I always dreamed of, it was not going to be as simple as writing a few cheques, working 70+ hours for months and years and sipping my favorite wines at 35, there were to be a LOT more pieces to the puzzle and a ton of soul searching.

I REALLY wanted to buy that home and I did, but for me, it opened up a Pandoras box of sorts. I broke down the door of being poor and truly began to understand how to build wealth but it came with some strings attached, and I did not read that in the fine print. "Sure, buy this home, but then we are going to have to do some real painful, emotional work my friend".

I guess what I am saying is to truly go from survival to a world where you truly thrive, it may take a deep look inside. Perhaps your relationships and love life have been the same, more or less for the past 5-10 years. We begin each new relationship with the best of intentions but then they often end much the same way, and then we ask ourselves why we can't find true love. We begin to subscribe to the theory and live it, that we just haven't found the right person, and while that may be true to a certain extent, how many relationships will have to come and go before we realize that it is us who needs to change and be vulnerable?

We can go out and buy a new car, or get a new hairdo but eventually we end up in the very same place. Empty and starting over again. We've all heard these stories. MC Hammer is still one of my favorite people! Like many others, he went from rags to riches and then back again in a few short years. We hear this same story regarding people who win the lottery!

The reason for this is their behaviour doesn't change or their way of being and the way they relate to money remains the same. For someone who is perpetually bad with money, more money will not fix the problem. In a relationship, another relationship will not change the outcome, you changing will! Again, perhaps I was forced to change because of depression but I am so grateful for that period because I was forever changed and I began to spread my wings and learn what gratitude, joy and thriving really feel like!

With Love,

-Chris